DR. SCHWEINEHUND'S APPRAISAL SERVICE


Dr. Schweinehund's Appraisal Service

 I have been using Dr. Schweinehund's services for a very, very long time, and I cannot recommend him strongly enough, which is why in this busy season, we are featuring him here at Greyburne's.  Dr. Schweinehund's Appraisal Service uses methods unavailable anywhere else and provides a level of thoroughness and expertise nigh unheard of.  The good Doctor is an unraveler of mysteries.  A discoverer of hidden truths.  He is an artist, having donned the guise of a simple man of science.  Leave with him whatever object about which you wish to know, and when you return, he will have for you ready and waiting an itemized appraisal that is guaranteed to answer whatever question you might have, as well as those it did not occur to you to ask.  

 

Dr. Schweinehund's Appraisal Card Back

 

Dr. Schweinehund makes use of a patented system which considers every aspect of value and assigns a rating on a scale from one to seven.  These are no mere monetary considerations; rather, they answer far more fundamental questions, namely: Is this item worth having? and What benefit will I receive for having it?  

Further, as Greyburne's deals frequently in goods which lie outside the realm of expertise of the modern intellectual: objects whose nature may be super- or supra- natural--it is imperative to work with a man whose mind is expansive enough to encompass what he would term the Divine.  Such things, of course, are subjective, and divinity is a matter of opinion.  Nonetheless, in Dr. Schweinehund we find a man uniquely equipped to come to grips with the often dizzying nature of the products which we at Greyburne's are so happy to supply.

 

Dr. Schweinehund's Appraisal Card Back

"Dr. Schweinehund’s proprietary rating system is comprehensive, and determines value based on a variety of factors including Rarity, Quality of Materials, Craftsmanship, Usability, Effects, Statistical Benefits, and Losses.  Other factors which may be considered: Capacity, in terms of containers; Armor Class, in terms of clothing and other defensive items; and Damage dealt, in terms of weapons.

Taking into account all of these qualities, each item is given a definitive rating on the Schweinehund Scale: Rubbish, Common, Noteworthy, Rare, Extraordinary, Legendary, Fabled.  Statistical measurements are expressed as a numerical value in single integers.  The Schweinehund Scale is unique, and may not be compared reliably to any other systems of classification.  Appraisals are certified accurate and the responsibility for any misunderstandings, miscommunications, or disappointments lies solely with the consumer."

 

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